I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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