And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
