Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
