my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize