u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
