I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
