My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
