she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
