apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
handjob tips. give me some.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
