that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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