Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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