my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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