Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
