what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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