i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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