Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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