I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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