Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We smell like vodka and hangover
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