i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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