I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
