This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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