u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
