the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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