i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
