my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
