ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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