Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
