I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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