I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
