STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
