party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
