Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
