I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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