Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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