I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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