**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize