I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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