Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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