And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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