guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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