Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
