can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
