I'm gonna have a badass scar
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
