i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
