I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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