Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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