Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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