I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
