so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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