Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
