I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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