I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
