The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
