Me too!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize