this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
