sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
