my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize