Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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