Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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