Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
