Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
