Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
