I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
