this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
