I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
