Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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