i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
