I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
