I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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