Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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