u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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