we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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