My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
