I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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