Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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