Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
