why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
