Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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