He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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