i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
