Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
