Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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