Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
