I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
