Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
