My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Found your dick twin last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
